if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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