First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
