if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
