Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
