He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even my farts smell like vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
