is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
