so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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