So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
