I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
