I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize