we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
