Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
