i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
