Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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