I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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