I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
