New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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