it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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