I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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