Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
