I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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