It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
