I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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