Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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