I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
