if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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