I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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