just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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