Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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