I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
