Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
