God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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