I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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