im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
