you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
