You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
