Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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