My liver just broke up with me...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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