im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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