He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
