theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
