Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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