Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
