When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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