drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
