We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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