I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
