he shaved USA in his pubs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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