if you like me you must not know who I am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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