Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
