I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Enjoy the penises
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
