so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
