no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
