i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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