She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You dont lie about slip and slides
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
