you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
