...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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