That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
