i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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