doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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