ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I supernannyed him into submission
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
