no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
