She is in my trunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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