I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
