Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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