I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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