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Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
