my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
