Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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