walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
