I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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