Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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