i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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