ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
