I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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