Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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