We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
